I was asked by Mary Onken to speak at the recent memorial service at Orange-Ulster BOCES in Goshen to honor the late Carl Onken who passed away in June. This is what I said:
I was very fortunate to have known Carl Onken. But as so often happens when you hear that someone you know - who is leading a significant life - passes from this world, I wished I had known him better.
I knew him as a fellow Monroe-Woodbury parent (my Heather and his Natasha grew up together), an active local volunteer for the Souza scholarship and many other school-related groups, both a Monroe-Woodbury school board and Orange County School Boards Association member, an Orange-Ulster BOCES board member and NYSSBA state president - and yes, Carl achieved the nearly unprecedented honor of having a building named after him during his lifetime.
He was also a man with a wry and knowing sense of humor - always a receptive audience for my corny dad jokes. As I ruminated on a title for the article I wrote about Carl for my local weekly newspaper, I came up with this – “Carl Onken – Celebrating a Life Well-Lived.”
I thought it fitting for a piece about Carl, and when daughter Natasha agreed, my title was set.
And then, as I searched for an appropriate quote that even he would like to include in this reflection on Carl and his wonderful life, I found a review of a book by novelist Henry Miller, “On Turning Eighty,” - the review was called “A Measure of a Life Well-Lived.”
It sounded familiar.
Miller writes: “My motto has always been: ‘Always merry and bright.’ Perhaps that is why I never tire of quoting Rabelais: ‘For all your ills, I give you laughter.’ As I look back on my life, which has been full of tragic moments, I see it more as a comedy than a tragedy. One of those comedies in which, while laughing your guts out, you feel your inner heart breaking. What better comedy could there be? The man who takes himself seriously is doomed...”
He continues:
“There is nothing wrong with life itself. It is the ocean in which we swim - and we either adapt to it or sink to the bottom. But it is in our power as human beings not to pollute the waters of life, not to destroy the spirit which animates us. The most difficult thing for a creative individual is to refrain from the effort to make the world over to his liking and to accept his fellow man for what he is, whether good, bad, or indifferent.”
That, in my opinion, is a portrait of Carl Onken. And as Natasha has said, much more eloquently – more knowingly than I, “He was not flashy, he was not extravagant and he did not do what he did for awards or recognition, although those certainly followed.
He was quiet and contemplative, gentle and quick-witted, level-headed and patient, smart and kind. He was quick to laugh, slow to anger and always supportive.
Where he saw a need, he sought out solutions.
He asked questions, he researched, and he was constantly learning.
This extended beyond community building and education to every aspect of his life.”
Thank you, Carl, for everything!
Bob Curtis,
Highland Mills